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Hamstergeddon (Transcript)
EXT. SKOOL- ZOOM IN (the bell rings) INT SKOOL- MS. BITTERS' CLASSROOM (Ms. Bitters walks to the back of the classroom. Cue dramatic music and beeping noises) (A mysterious box is beeping, counting down from a minute and six seconds, and Ms. Bitters walks to the back of it.) (students back off, frightened.) (Finally, Ms. Bitters presses the red button on top of the metal box, knobs twist and it splits in two explosively, each side flying into the nearby walls.) (The smoke clears to reveal a hamster in a cage, and the students approach it with looks of awe.) Ms. Bitters: By order of the Skool board, in an attempt to reduce MISERY amongst skoolchildren, this class is issued one class pet, hamster class... named Peepi. (Skoolchildren sigh happily) Zita: Ohh Peepi so cute ! Chunk: Look at his widdle Peepi faaace! Melvin: He's like a fuzzy little pee-pee person! Tae: (says something not understandable, due to the fact that he is overcome with cuteness) (Peepi runs toward Zim) Zim: (staggering back in horror) AAAAAAAAA!! Dib: Do I even have to say anything at this point? Zim: If you are talking about my reaction to that...(waves his hand around, thinking) hair... monster, ''I assure you, like the other ''normal children I find it...(struggles to come up with a word) Dib: Cute. The word is cute. Humans fthink hamsters are cute. Zim: Yes... This cuteness has a curious effect on humans. It makes them... weak! (transitions into a daydream, showing Zim out of his disguise, riding something, and stomping noises are heard. The camera then reveals that Zim is riding on the back of a giant Peepi, in the middle of a city interection. A large shadow falls on the passersby, and they look to see the source. They start "aww"-ing at how cute Peepi is.) Zim: People of Earth! Can you resist the hypnotic power of Peepi? (apparently, they can't) Zim: Now, kneel before ZIM! (the crowd obediently kneels) Zim: HAVE SOME OF THIS!! Peepi incinerates them with his flame breath. Cut back to classroom, as the class watches Peepi scamper in his hamsterwheel. Ms. Bitters: Take a good look, children: It will prepare you for your adult lives in our nightmarish corporate system. Zim, not listening, makes his way back to the hamster cage, and looks at it thoughtfully. Zim: Hmmm...Yessss.... It just might work. Dib pokes his head into the frame, suspicious. Cut to classroom at night: Peepi is sound asleep in his cage as the Voot Runner lands outside the window. A light shines on the cage, and an awakened Peepi looks up, horrified, at a silhouetted Zim, out of disguise, who is outstretching his hand to grab the hamster while grinning menacingly. Cut to daytime in the classroom, as a pained Aki is being forced to do a headstand in a chair at the front of the class. Ms. Bitters is right next to her, holding a stopwatch. Ms. Bitters: A minute-twenty-seven. If you're determined to let the blood rush to your head (scoffs) you better have trained for it. Dib (raising hand): Ms. Bitters, have you noticed anything strange about the hamster? Pan over to the hamster, which has suddenly grown to the size of its cage, and now sports a flashy alien device on its back. Dib: ...He's three times his size, and he has that hideous throbbing alien device on his back! Zim fidgets nervously as Peepi gives a little burp, then the Irken pulls out a wrist-mounted remote control object. Zim (quietly): The Earth boy is trying to interfere! Now's the time to use the Peepi creature's cuteness to divert attention. Suddenly, a large crash in the back of the room causes everyone to turn their heads toward the source: Peepi's cage, which now has a gaping hole in the bottom that continues straight through the desk it was resting upon. Suddenly, the tension is broken when students' desks start falling apart - a result of their legs being gnawed by Peepi... The desk legs, not the children's. Dib turns to a sheepish Zim accusingly. Zim: This is... a little ahead of schedule. Zim gets up and follows Peepi through the big, gaping hole in the wall thst the hamster has just created. On the other side, Peepi (now the size of a large cat) scampers toward the wire fence around the Skool. Instead of trying to climb it, he chews clean through, and grows to the size of a small Skoolchild. He then walks away - on two feet - across the street toward a building. Zim: Yes, my creation! Grow! GROWW!! Peepi roars offscreen as an explosion comes from the lamppost nearest the building Peepi was walking toward. Peepi then reappears, this time about the size of a bear, then continues on into the building. Screams emanate from its inhabitants, and several other explosions are heard from within. Zim: Now, Peepi, COME TO YOUR MASTER!! Zim stands waiting for a few seconds, with a big stupid grin on his face. Another offscreen explosion casts light onto his face briefly. Zim (desperately): Peepi? Peepi?! OBEY ME! PEEPIII!!!!! Pan up to a nuclear power plant on a cliff; it suddenly explodes with extreme force, and one of the reactors breaks apart, revealing an enormous Peepi, now the size of Godzilla and even sporting dinosaur-like spines on his fluffy back. Zim looks on, worried, as Dib saunters up beside him. Dib: Anything you'd like to confess? Zim: No! Don't be silly! Meanwhile, people on the street run for their lives as Ultra-Peepi's foot bears down on them. Cut to a WHUH news broadcast, which is featuring the same image in the background. WHUH: Anchor: Experts are still baffled as to the origins of "Ultra-Peepi", the guant mutant hamster now ravaging the city! But we all agree: He's just fuzzy-wuzzy adorable, isn't he? He sure is! Aaugh! The Anchor is promptly crushed underfoot by Ultra-Peepi's metal foot, who then continues to ramapge through the City, evoking mixed screams and "awws" from the helpless onlookers. Spying a bus, the über-hamster picks it up and eats it, then proceeds to use a nearby radio antenna as a toothpick. A screaming woman, Dana Delany, stops and looks. Dana Delany: Awww, loook: He's using the building like a toothpick! At this point, Peepi decides to focus his full attention on cleaning his buckteeth, and discards the desiccated bus, which lands on Dana Delany. At this point a squadron of fighter jets come after the hamster, but he merely extends his mechanical foot, demolishing them in midair. Zim watches as one smoking jet skids by him. Zim: Peepi, come here! You must obey me! I am your lord and hamster-master! walks among the crowd of screaming, panicking humans NO! Don't fear the Peepi! Fear me! FEAR MEE! At this point, Zim finally notices the carnage being caused by Peepi. Zim: Well, he IS destroying the humans... And that IS good... He looks up at Peepi. Zim: Uhh.. GOOD JOB, PEEPI! I'LL JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE ALL DONE HERE. UH, CARRY ON! Frank Connif runs by as Zim saunters away. Frank Connif: HELP! HELP! (looks up to see Peepi's foot about to smash him) Awww, wookit his wittle feeet!.. Peepi's foot comes down on Frank Connif, crushing him. Pan to the army encampment; inside one of the tents, the General and his men are all gathered around a map representing the City, and featuring models of Ultra-Peepi and the army's various weapons. General: I don't care what the blazes it wants, I just want it stopped! Colonel: But General! I couldn't fire a missile at that fooby wittle face, could you? The Colonel gives a "Bambi eyes" look, as the other officers nod their heads and mutter in the affirmative. Suddenly, Dib bursts into the tent. Dib: Wait! I have some important information about Ultra-Peepi! You have to listen! soldiers grab his arms. General: Now, wait: Let the boy talk. Soldiers release Dib. Dib: He's not a normal hamster! He's been.. altered, somehow, through alien technology. Eating makes him larger; the more he eats, the bigger he gets! General: Good work, boy! How do we stop him? Dib: I... don't... know! brief pause General: Get 'im outta here! soldiers pile on top of him. Colonel: General! I think we know where he's going! Cut to Zim's House, where GIR is watching the Creepy Monkey Show. Zim passes by, looks at the screen, and sits down on the couch next to GIR while sucking on candysticks. Zim: Whatcha watchin'? GIR: Angry Monkey. Zim: That... Horrible monkey! GIR: Mm-hmm. Where's Ultra-Peepi? Zim: He's working. Suddenly, a "Special News Bulletin" flashes across the screen accompanied by the apparent music for Channel 6 News, and is subsequently replaced by a new anchor, shuffling his notes as a video of Ultra-Peepi's devastation plays behind him. New Anchor: Reports are now in that Ultra-Peepi is headed for the City's pellet plant. If he reaches their reserve supply of hamster pellets, he could grow to unimaginable proportions! All of a sudden, the ground starts shaking in Zim's House. Zim: What is that noise?! Zim heads out the front door, and looks outside: Nothing's there. Suddenly, though, the ground shakes violently. Zim gasps as he spots Ultra-Peepi approaching his house. Zim (pointing up defiantly): NO! YOU WILL NOT DESTROY YOUR MASTER'S BASE! I COMMAND YOU TO STOP: OBEY YOUR CREATOR! Peepi roars defiantly, and continues his swathe of destruction. Zim runs back into his house, then emerges from the top in his Voot Cruiser. Zim: You made me do this, Peepi! I hate to be the bad guy but you must be disciplined; or you'll never learn! Peepi swats at the Voot Cruiser, but Zim darts around him with ease, then zips around to face the hamster again. Inside the ship, Zim targets Peepi with a screen on the console, then presses a square button on the dashboard. The Voot's cannons charge up, and Zim flies toward Peepi as twin balls of energy are launched from its cannons into Peepi's stomach. The hamster is undamaged, but screeches in rage. As Zim and Peepi duel, Dib comes out of his house and watches the spectacle. Zim (over loudspeaker): HEY, PEEPI: CHECK THIS OUT! (swings around for another blow. Dib: Never thought I'd see that. Peepi crushes another house underfoot, as Zim zips around, shoots him repeatedly, then retreats to a safe distance. Zim: Peepi! Turn back now! Do not invoke the wrath of the Irken Elite! Zim charges the Voot forward again, but this time Peepi blasts the ship with a laser burst from his mouth. Zim's Voot is sent tumbling out of the sky, crashing through multiple buildings before coming to a skidding stop up against a building. Dib finds Zim laying unconscious next to his wrecked ship. Dib: He's unconscious. Wait, if I capture him now, no one will be able to stop the hamster. But if I let him go to fight Peepi, he's just going to keep on trying to destroy mankind. This stinks. Zim gets up in the background. Dib: Okay, so if I save Zim, he'll move on to destroy mankind and upset the balance of the entire Earth, which is why I've been waiting to finally capture him and get proof that I... Dib continues contemplating aloud while we cut to a closer shot of Zim, who brings out a communiaction device from his back. Zim: GIR, come get me. GIR: Yes, my lord! Urghh... Dib: But if the hamster goes on to save mankind, no, wait. That's not right... GIR arrives and Zim flies away on his back, passing Dib. Dib: The hamster doesn't.... wait, Zim! Promise me you're on our side this time. Zim: I know not of sides, Earth stink. But just this once I agree with you. The hamster must be stopped. Dib: No! Oh, wait. Yeah, go on then. Peepi walks through the city, in sync to a brief heavy funk beat. "Yeah,Oooh, yeah. Ultra Peepi." An army of tanks waits for Peepi at the end of the street. Man in tank: Ready, unit seven. Fire on my mark. 3, 2... Oh, just look at him! Peepi crushes the tank with his foot. Zim calls Peepi from his ship, holding a hot dog-shaped fast food building with it. Zim: The weenie tempts you. Peepi growls and charges at Zim. Zim screams and flies past him, still holding the building. The man in the now crushed tank emerges, noticing this. Man: Now we're being attacked by giant weenies. Get the weenie! Get it! The tanks fire at Zim. Zim finds a ferris wheel with a hot dog design on it. He plants large spherical devices around it and waits in his ship as Peepi approaches it. Zim: Yes, Ultra Peepi. Yes! Obey! Peepi continues toward the ferris wheel, tearing through roller coasters. He gets to the ferris wheel and starts chewing it. Zim: No. Bad Peepi. Don't eat the wheel. Huh? Tanks arrive at the scene. Man: Okay, let's try to go with the hamster this time. We've got to use this stuff on something. Dib appears. Dib: Don't attack! The alien is trying to get rid of the hamster. Don't interrupt his plans. Man: Boy's crazy. Put him in one of those crazy buckets. Dib shields himself as he is tackled by a group of soldiers. They walk away, and we see Dib squirm inside a container reading, "Crazy", holding him from the neck down. The tanks fire at Peepi. Zim presses a button in his ship, and the ferris wheel takes off into space. Zim growls. Zim: No time to spare! Fine, ultra Peepi. You had this coming. Zim flies around and drops devices on Peepi that wrap wires around him. He roars as he is carried into space. Dib hops over in his container and joins the soldier, the general, a now disguised Zim, and a small group of children as they watch. Zim stands next to a tearful child as he straightens his wig. Child: Why...? Dib: Why? Because alien tampering with our life forms is dangerous, and ends in pain... Zim kicks him away Zim: Because when you create a giant monster of doom, no matter how cute, you have to, you have to... I don't know. But stop sniveling, little worm monkey. Ultra Peepi will live on. Out there. ...In the stars. Zim folds his arms. Peepi is heard roaring as he plummets toward the ground far in the distance, behind Zim. An explosion follows a brief flash of bright light and a large cloud of smoke. In the next screen, a group of people hug a smaller ultra Peepi, and a message on screen explains to us that "NO ANIMATED CHARACTERS WERE HARMED IN THE FILMING OF THIS PRODUCTION". Category:Season 1 Transcripts Category:Episode Transcripts